Dear Temporary Diary,
This is the 4th day that I have been sick, Why must it last so long? Hannah &dad are sick too, at least I wasn't sick for Christmas and New Years! Right now I am lying in bed. If anyone reads this after my death I AM IN HEAVEN! I accepted Jesus when I was 5 or 6 and "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that he (Jesus) is able to keep that which I've committed unto him against that day!!" Whoever is reading this needs the same assurance. E.J.B. Please accept him before it is too late. AGE 12 1/2 1/6/1994
Monday, February 6, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
To dye for
Hair Color....... I just love that word it makes me all warm and fuzzy. I am a blonde...wait for it...naturally. When I was about 13 I colored my hair for the first time to a light (rinse out) brown and was so afraid my mom would flip a gasket that I washed my hair for about two hours straight to get the color out. I pretty much at that point and time sold my soul to the devil!! Relax not really. However my eyes opened up to how hair could really change how people look at you. To me it is JUST hair, it doesn't change WHO I am, but it is amazing to me how people will judge you just by your hair color or the way you wear it. The summer before my freshman year of high school I had lost a lot of weight and wanted a snazzy new hair cut to go along with it. So I went to a family friend to get it done. I had jokingly said that if I didn't like it I would shave my head. My hair was pretty long and wanted a shorter cut (copying a friend of mine's haircut) and she told me that it would not look the same since I have stick straight hair, I said I understood yet as soon as she was finished I HATED it. I went home ran to the downstairs bathroom with a pair of scissors and a bic. razor and whacked that shit off!!! When I came upstairs my mom just looked at me and said what were you thinking??? My mom knew that I didn't really want to have my head shaved and that I am VERY impulsive and now I just had to deal with it. At this time I would like to add that my mom had looked into extensions for me yet at that time they were still new and super expensive and she just couldn't afford them for me. I LOVE my momma she is the best. Anyways I have to say it really throws people off, at first they think you have you hair pulled back until you turn around and then all of the sudden they think a few things, apparently it made me a dike, a gang banger, or that I was a lost soul. No I just didn't like my hair cut and in my twisted mind it was a fresh start! I almost about shit bricks when Brittney Spears did it. Cause I have been there done that so I knew she wasn't crazy (well maybe a little lol) but once again it is just hair. I have had short hair, long hair, blonde, brown, black, and most recently red (lovin me some ging) I am still the same person I just like to express myself with my hair. Some people like to shop and no one judges them for that! I am not hurting anyone by changing MY hair. So just to let ya know how blonde I really am, and this is really embarrassing for me to admit, but I had bangs and wanted to start wearing my hair w/o them, well my dumb ass didn't know that all you had to do was part them in the middle to get "rid" of them, instead I shaved them off. OK stop laughing, I know, not the brightest crayon in the box, so I was kinda rockin a mullet and trying to explain to people why you have no bangs now. I mean I didn't have bangs anymore so it worked right? There was another time that I colored my bleach blonde hair to a fire engine red and missed a huge spot in the back of my head. Instead of getting another box of red I thought it would be best to bleach it back to blonde. NOT a good idea my hair was bozo the clown orange. I then went back to the store and bought a brown color and it turned my hair grey FML so I got back in the car and bought a dark brown to which it turned it a mousy brown (it was gross) however I had to deal with it because my hair was starting to fall out seeing as how all of that was done within 24 hours. That was when I was younger, now I am 29 and holding (like my momma) and I have gotten a lot better about going to the salon and having it done, however once in a while I get a hold of my own hair and will jack it up because it is a Monday and I heard a good song on the radio and ooohhhh I should dye my hair today!! I have slowly been getting my hair to a copper color and I LOVE it! I went to work one day and a customer of mine made a comment about my hair and how he likes it blonde and I need to do this and that and blah blah blah, finally (and for the first time to him) stood up for myself and said "ya know if I were to worry about how everyone else wanted me to look I would be miserable" SHUT HIM DOWN but it is true don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Let your freak flag fly. If it makes YOU happy and it isn't hurting anyone what does it really matter. J.J. Hart
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Ummm Hello!!??
I am a bartender and I would like to take a few moment's to talk about what NOT do while in a bar. It has been said many times before but this is from my point of view so enjoy
TOP 10
It is NOT ok to.......
1. Wave money in my face when I am busy. Yes I see you
2. Call me over to you and then NOT have your order ready. Good job jack wagon now you WILL wait and I don't care if your drink is "strong" enough
3. If you want a "stiff" drink order it ON THE ROCKS with a splash of whatever. Asking for less ice means that I will pour the SAME amount of alcohol and you will get more soda ... refer to # 2
4. This is a bar NOT your house, don't walk through the door and comment on what channel the T.V. is on before you even sit down. Do I go into your job and give you shit about the way your desk looks.
5. When I ask how your food is, I do want to know if something is completely "off" however you are in a restaurant and mistakes happen. Haven't you ever messed up your own dinner before.
6. When I ask you how your day is going, most likely I am asking to be polite. This is NOT an opportunity to complain about how unfair everyone/everything/life is. Do you think that you are the first person to give me a sob story
7. Don't get offended when I card you. THIS IS MY JOB. I don't want to go to jail for you.
8. If someone steps outside to smoke or go to the bathroom you may NOT take their seat. I know they are out smoking however (you) NON smokers have kicked them out of the bar so yes I will hold there seat it is also not acceptable to move other peoples drinks, purse, coat, book bag, ect down the bar to make room for yourself.
9 Don't order a drink then tell me so-n-so is going to buy it for you OR ask me if it is "on the house" If Mr. Smith is going to buy you a drink HE will let me know. If I would like to buy you a drink I will let you know
10. This is more of a WHY than a do not, and I have experimented my theory. WHY is it when there is 20 flipping tables and a WHOLE entire bar that is EMPTY do you have to sit at the ONE DIRTY TABLE and then get an attitude with me because you CHOOSE to sit there. I don't understand this at all. I know this is wrong to say but as soon as you sit there I don't want to serve you!!! I have purposely left one random table dirty on a day I was NOT busy just to see if someone would sit there and no matter WHAT table it was they DID. Do you like sitting in filth? Does it make you happy knowing that I will have to clean the table for you BEFORE you are served? where I work, it is a SEAT YOURSELF place and I will be cleaning the one table that is dirty (the place is empty) and you will wait until I finish cleaning it until you sit. REALLY?? Please let me know what is so flippin special about this table. I have also had people that will follow me around the bar until I stop moving to take a seat RIGHT in front of me like I didn't see you when you walked in and I said HELLO. YES I SEE YOU Hope you enjoyed and remember if you want to have a good time in a bar don't be a jack wagon I don't come to your work and give you a hard time.
J.J. Hart
TOP 10
It is NOT ok to.......
1. Wave money in my face when I am busy. Yes I see you
2. Call me over to you and then NOT have your order ready. Good job jack wagon now you WILL wait and I don't care if your drink is "strong" enough
3. If you want a "stiff" drink order it ON THE ROCKS with a splash of whatever. Asking for less ice means that I will pour the SAME amount of alcohol and you will get more soda ... refer to # 2
4. This is a bar NOT your house, don't walk through the door and comment on what channel the T.V. is on before you even sit down. Do I go into your job and give you shit about the way your desk looks.
5. When I ask how your food is, I do want to know if something is completely "off" however you are in a restaurant and mistakes happen. Haven't you ever messed up your own dinner before.
6. When I ask you how your day is going, most likely I am asking to be polite. This is NOT an opportunity to complain about how unfair everyone/everything/life is. Do you think that you are the first person to give me a sob story
7. Don't get offended when I card you. THIS IS MY JOB. I don't want to go to jail for you.
8. If someone steps outside to smoke or go to the bathroom you may NOT take their seat. I know they are out smoking however (you) NON smokers have kicked them out of the bar so yes I will hold there seat it is also not acceptable to move other peoples drinks, purse, coat, book bag, ect down the bar to make room for yourself.
9 Don't order a drink then tell me so-n-so is going to buy it for you OR ask me if it is "on the house" If Mr. Smith is going to buy you a drink HE will let me know. If I would like to buy you a drink I will let you know
10. This is more of a WHY than a do not, and I have experimented my theory. WHY is it when there is 20 flipping tables and a WHOLE entire bar that is EMPTY do you have to sit at the ONE DIRTY TABLE and then get an attitude with me because you CHOOSE to sit there. I don't understand this at all. I know this is wrong to say but as soon as you sit there I don't want to serve you!!! I have purposely left one random table dirty on a day I was NOT busy just to see if someone would sit there and no matter WHAT table it was they DID. Do you like sitting in filth? Does it make you happy knowing that I will have to clean the table for you BEFORE you are served? where I work, it is a SEAT YOURSELF place and I will be cleaning the one table that is dirty (the place is empty) and you will wait until I finish cleaning it until you sit. REALLY?? Please let me know what is so flippin special about this table. I have also had people that will follow me around the bar until I stop moving to take a seat RIGHT in front of me like I didn't see you when you walked in and I said HELLO. YES I SEE YOU Hope you enjoyed and remember if you want to have a good time in a bar don't be a jack wagon I don't come to your work and give you a hard time.
J.J. Hart
The little things
I am all about the "little things" in life. A friend once told me that I am the type of person to STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES. At first I was offended thinking that she straight up called me lazy, but once she explained, I realized that she really meant it as a complement. She said that I took time to look around as SEE things and really enjoy what life was all about.
Today I met up with a friend of mine, and her son for lunch. After that we met up with my mom and my nephew to go to C.Y.O.C create your own cheesecake. (YUM) it was out first time there and we started talking to the gentleman behind the counter, as I got up to the register to pay he told me that since it was out first time there it was on the house!!! I was really taken back. NO ONE in this day and time gives anything away for free, I was almost offended for a brief moment. Do I look needy? Why would you give your store away for FREE. I said thank you, but I really would like to pay. He told me no way and to make sure I spread the word and come back another time. So I left the employees the money I would have spent for the food as a tip and went on my way. (The cheesecake was really good and I will tell everyone I know about this place.) Why is it so hard for us to except a complement or a good deed from others. I would like to believe that there is good in all people even in hard times. After that we all went to the park to work off all the calories we had consumed. On the way back from the park I decided to stop by my "grandma's" house to say hello. Well as luck would have it, it was her 83rd birthday today!! WOW she looks great and she is alive and kickin'. We got to talking about how much this world has changed over the last 10-15 years. Mind you that when I was about 11 Dirty Dancing was considered a "risque" movie and we were not allowed to watch it in their home. Not saying that we didn't watch it but we had to sneak the movie out of the house to watch it somewhere else before they noticed. She had told me that when she see's people and says hello she looks them in the eye, and most of them will look away and maybe once in awhile someone will smile. WHY is this? Is this a difficult task. With everyone out there that wants to be a "reality star" and have their 15 minutes and so talkative yet you can't acknowledge another human being. She said it's almost like when you say hello they are afraid that you will ask them for something. So what if you do! I have always believed that I was born in the wrong generation, I would have loved to live in a "simpler" time. anyways that's a whole other topic. So why do people brush past you? Are they really in that big of a hurry to get home to jump on facebook or twitter or whatever else they are doing just so they can bitch about so-n-so at work, or how unfair everything in life is? I have a guy that comes into my work ( I bartend A.k.a under paid psychologist) and every single time I say hello to him he completely ignores me! However when he says hi to you and you don't respond a split second later he asks you what your problem is that day. Finally one day I asked him if he was hard of hearing (a fair question if you ask me. Maybe I was just not talking loud enough) He gave me this disgusted look and told me "no... why do you ask"? I explained why and he just shrugged his shoulders and drank his beer. Even at that point he did not acknowledge me. Now I just wait for him to say hi, but it really bothers me. I think people want to be heard and REALLY listened to. That is something I still have to work on. I catch myself thinking about what I have to do tomorrow or what bill is due next week and then realize that I have missed half the conversation and feel so bad and embarrassed that I don't ask the person to repeat themselves. Back to grandma... Once I left her house I got a phone call from my sister (not biological) and she said that as soon as I left, grandma had called to say that I had stopped by and it made her day. THE SIMPLE THINGS. It just takes a moment to stop and smell the roses and YOU can make a difference.
J.J. Hart
Today I met up with a friend of mine, and her son for lunch. After that we met up with my mom and my nephew to go to C.Y.O.C create your own cheesecake. (YUM) it was out first time there and we started talking to the gentleman behind the counter, as I got up to the register to pay he told me that since it was out first time there it was on the house!!! I was really taken back. NO ONE in this day and time gives anything away for free, I was almost offended for a brief moment. Do I look needy? Why would you give your store away for FREE. I said thank you, but I really would like to pay. He told me no way and to make sure I spread the word and come back another time. So I left the employees the money I would have spent for the food as a tip and went on my way. (The cheesecake was really good and I will tell everyone I know about this place.) Why is it so hard for us to except a complement or a good deed from others. I would like to believe that there is good in all people even in hard times. After that we all went to the park to work off all the calories we had consumed. On the way back from the park I decided to stop by my "grandma's" house to say hello. Well as luck would have it, it was her 83rd birthday today!! WOW she looks great and she is alive and kickin'. We got to talking about how much this world has changed over the last 10-15 years. Mind you that when I was about 11 Dirty Dancing was considered a "risque" movie and we were not allowed to watch it in their home. Not saying that we didn't watch it but we had to sneak the movie out of the house to watch it somewhere else before they noticed. She had told me that when she see's people and says hello she looks them in the eye, and most of them will look away and maybe once in awhile someone will smile. WHY is this? Is this a difficult task. With everyone out there that wants to be a "reality star" and have their 15 minutes and so talkative yet you can't acknowledge another human being. She said it's almost like when you say hello they are afraid that you will ask them for something. So what if you do! I have always believed that I was born in the wrong generation, I would have loved to live in a "simpler" time. anyways that's a whole other topic. So why do people brush past you? Are they really in that big of a hurry to get home to jump on facebook or twitter or whatever else they are doing just so they can bitch about so-n-so at work, or how unfair everything in life is? I have a guy that comes into my work ( I bartend A.k.a under paid psychologist) and every single time I say hello to him he completely ignores me! However when he says hi to you and you don't respond a split second later he asks you what your problem is that day. Finally one day I asked him if he was hard of hearing (a fair question if you ask me. Maybe I was just not talking loud enough) He gave me this disgusted look and told me "no... why do you ask"? I explained why and he just shrugged his shoulders and drank his beer. Even at that point he did not acknowledge me. Now I just wait for him to say hi, but it really bothers me. I think people want to be heard and REALLY listened to. That is something I still have to work on. I catch myself thinking about what I have to do tomorrow or what bill is due next week and then realize that I have missed half the conversation and feel so bad and embarrassed that I don't ask the person to repeat themselves. Back to grandma... Once I left her house I got a phone call from my sister (not biological) and she said that as soon as I left, grandma had called to say that I had stopped by and it made her day. THE SIMPLE THINGS. It just takes a moment to stop and smell the roses and YOU can make a difference.
J.J. Hart
The early years
Hello! Welcome to my blog, I would like to share my story seeing how EVERYONE has one. I think I have had a interesting life and would like to share some of my ups and downs and who knows maybe help someone in the process.
Always remember that you do have a spot in this world and that God has put you right where you need to be. I am a very lucky girl to be alive and I do believe in miracles big and small. So let's GO!!
I was born 2 months premature and was a very tiny baby, (3lbs 14oz) the doctors told my mother to call a priest in because I wasn't going to make it! Just what a mother wants to hear right? I was in the hospital for almost 2 months and from what my mom has told me the nurses would FLICK the bottom of my feet when I would stop breathing to "kick start" me again. Now let's fast forward a few year. I meet a very sweet and amazing girl when I was about 9. She and I had a lot in common both had blue eyes, blonde hair and looked a lot alike. Her and I were the best of friends and one day our parent's got to talking. I was born on 6/26 and she was born on 6/27. Weird right .....it get's crazier! After our parents saw that connection they started talking about out births. Come to find out they ran into each other at the hospital on the day(s) we were born. Turns out that my mom was more dilated and she was given the last room at the hospital and (E.J.) was sent to another hospital. This is the first moments of my life and I was already sent on a path for a MIRACLE. When E.J. was about 10 she kept getting really sick and was in the hospital a lot. When she was 12 she and her family moved to Arizona (her father was a pastor) to help with a church in need out there. Now this is a little off topic but you have to understand my mom at this point..... She always told me the best time to "talk" to someone is in the car because they have NO WHERE to go. So true. So whenever I was in trouble she would wait till we were in the car to let me know. One day we were on the way to school and she told me she needed to talk to me about something. I started to rack my brain.. did I do something wrong, was I in trouble?? The anticipation was driving me crazy! I just wanted her to yell at me and get it over with. She told me she would let me know after school so now I had ALL day to worry about what I was in trouble for. When she picked my up after school she told me that E.J. was in the hospital again and that she was dying!! I felt like I was having a out of body experience and could see myself crying and kicking the dashboard. At that point my mom had to pull over and get me to calm down. I couldn't understand how a 12 year old was about to lose her life when she hadn't even got to start it yet. She did pass away from AIDS from a blood transfusion that was given to her at birth. IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME within a matter of moments or events not known. I still wonder from time to time why, why am I still here? Because I have a story and so does E.J. She may not be alive to tell it but a part of her lives on and I would like to think she is still with me. I have had many times in my life when I have asked/questioned why I was the one to make it. I have put many family and friends through hard times while I tried to figure out my life and thankfully the ones who really care for me are still by my side. I have a beautiful message from E.J. before she passed away that I would like to share but am waiting for her families permission before I do. Until then Remember that EVERY day is a gift and there is a reason you are here. I have had many bad days in my life but when you look at the big picture you have to remember you have a purpose and one day it will click and you will know what it is. God is hearing your prayers it just might not be the answer you are looking for .. J.J. Hart
Always remember that you do have a spot in this world and that God has put you right where you need to be. I am a very lucky girl to be alive and I do believe in miracles big and small. So let's GO!!
I was born 2 months premature and was a very tiny baby, (3lbs 14oz) the doctors told my mother to call a priest in because I wasn't going to make it! Just what a mother wants to hear right? I was in the hospital for almost 2 months and from what my mom has told me the nurses would FLICK the bottom of my feet when I would stop breathing to "kick start" me again. Now let's fast forward a few year. I meet a very sweet and amazing girl when I was about 9. She and I had a lot in common both had blue eyes, blonde hair and looked a lot alike. Her and I were the best of friends and one day our parent's got to talking. I was born on 6/26 and she was born on 6/27. Weird right .....it get's crazier! After our parents saw that connection they started talking about out births. Come to find out they ran into each other at the hospital on the day(s) we were born. Turns out that my mom was more dilated and she was given the last room at the hospital and (E.J.) was sent to another hospital. This is the first moments of my life and I was already sent on a path for a MIRACLE. When E.J. was about 10 she kept getting really sick and was in the hospital a lot. When she was 12 she and her family moved to Arizona (her father was a pastor) to help with a church in need out there. Now this is a little off topic but you have to understand my mom at this point..... She always told me the best time to "talk" to someone is in the car because they have NO WHERE to go. So true. So whenever I was in trouble she would wait till we were in the car to let me know. One day we were on the way to school and she told me she needed to talk to me about something. I started to rack my brain.. did I do something wrong, was I in trouble?? The anticipation was driving me crazy! I just wanted her to yell at me and get it over with. She told me she would let me know after school so now I had ALL day to worry about what I was in trouble for. When she picked my up after school she told me that E.J. was in the hospital again and that she was dying!! I felt like I was having a out of body experience and could see myself crying and kicking the dashboard. At that point my mom had to pull over and get me to calm down. I couldn't understand how a 12 year old was about to lose her life when she hadn't even got to start it yet. She did pass away from AIDS from a blood transfusion that was given to her at birth. IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME within a matter of moments or events not known. I still wonder from time to time why, why am I still here? Because I have a story and so does E.J. She may not be alive to tell it but a part of her lives on and I would like to think she is still with me. I have had many times in my life when I have asked/questioned why I was the one to make it. I have put many family and friends through hard times while I tried to figure out my life and thankfully the ones who really care for me are still by my side. I have a beautiful message from E.J. before she passed away that I would like to share but am waiting for her families permission before I do. Until then Remember that EVERY day is a gift and there is a reason you are here. I have had many bad days in my life but when you look at the big picture you have to remember you have a purpose and one day it will click and you will know what it is. God is hearing your prayers it just might not be the answer you are looking for .. J.J. Hart
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