Ummm Hello!!??

I am a bartender and I would like to take a few moment's to talk about what NOT do while in a bar.  It has been said many times before but this is from my point of view so enjoy
                            TOP 10
It is NOT ok to.......
    1.  Wave money in my face when I am busy.  Yes I see you
    2.  Call me over to you and then NOT have your order ready.  Good job jack wagon now you WILL wait and I don't care if your drink is "strong" enough
    3.  If you want a "stiff" drink order it ON THE ROCKS with a splash of whatever.  Asking for less ice means that I will pour the SAME amount of alcohol and you will get more soda ... refer to # 2
    4.  This is a bar NOT your house, don't walk through the door and comment on what channel the T.V. is on before you even sit down.  Do I go into your job and give you shit about the way your desk looks.
    5. When I ask how your food is,  I do want to know if something is completely "off" however you are in a restaurant and mistakes happen.  Haven't you ever messed up your own dinner before.
    6.  When I ask you how your day is going, most likely I am asking to be polite.  This is NOT an opportunity to complain about how unfair everyone/everything/life is.  Do you think that you are the first person to give me a sob story
   7.  Don't get offended when I card you.  THIS IS MY JOB.  I don't want to go to jail for you.
   8. If someone steps outside to smoke or go to the bathroom you may NOT take their seat.  I know they are out smoking however (you) NON smokers have kicked them out of the bar so yes I will hold there seat it is also not acceptable to move other peoples drinks, purse, coat, book bag, ect down the bar to make room for yourself.
   9 Don't order a drink then tell me so-n-so is going to buy it for you OR ask me if it is "on the house" If Mr. Smith is going to buy you a drink HE will let me know.  If I would like to buy you a drink I will let you know
    10. This is more of a WHY than a do not, and I have experimented my theory.  WHY is it when there is 20 flipping tables and a WHOLE entire bar that is EMPTY do you have to sit at the ONE DIRTY TABLE and then get an attitude with me because you CHOOSE to sit there.  I don't understand this at all.  I know this is wrong to say but as soon as you sit there I don't want to serve you!!!  I have purposely left one random table dirty on a day I was NOT busy just to see if someone would sit there and no matter WHAT table it was they DID.  Do you like sitting in filth?  Does it make you happy knowing that I will have to clean the table for you BEFORE you are served?   where I work, it is a SEAT YOURSELF place and I will be cleaning the one table that is dirty (the place is empty) and you will wait until I finish cleaning it until  you sit.  REALLY??  Please let me know what is so flippin special about this table.  I have also had people that will follow me around the bar until I stop moving to take a seat RIGHT in front of me like I didn't see you when you walked in and I said HELLO.  YES I SEE YOU     Hope you enjoyed and remember if you want to have a good time in a bar don't be a jack wagon I don't come to your work and give you a hard time.

                    J.J. Hart